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Category: teens

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  • I let my teens plan family vacations by drawing destinations from a bowl. This has led us to some wild adventures.

    Family posing for photo
    The author and her family travel around the world together often.

    Courtesy of the author

    • My husband and I have loved a travel adventure even before we had kids.
    • When they were born, it didn’t slow us down, and we kept exploring new places while baby-wearing them.
    • We now allow our kids to plan our next vacation, and it’s led to great adventures.

    My husband and I are avid adventurers who love to hike, camp, and explore the world through off-the-beaten-path trips. Before we had kids, we backpacked extensively in the US and India (where we’re originally from) and even spent our honeymoon on an 18-day off-grid RV road trip through New Zealand while being completely off-grid with no planned agenda.

    When our kids were born, our travels didn’t slow down. In fact, some of my most vivid memories are of backcountry camping in Glacier National Park, and hiking 11 miles to Sperry Chalet with my son in a BabyBjörn carrier and my daughter in a Kelty kids’ hiking carrier.

    Fast forward about a decade, and my teens started having their own opinions on where they wanted to go — often inspired by books they read or movies they watched. We introduced a fun tradition to let them have a say: writing down destinations on chits and drawing a winner from a fishbowl. Each child submits four options they want to explore, and we draw two contenders, assess them for feasibility and cost, and then narrow them down to one. If one child’s pick is chosen, the other takes the lead in planning the itinerary. If neither option works, we redraw until we find the perfect fit.

    This process has led to some incredible — and sometimes unexpected — escapades for us. Here are a few of the most memorable ones.

    Free diving in the Great Barrier Reef

    Both of my kids are strong swimmers and have always loved the ocean. Before the pandemic, they wanted to spend a summer exploring a new country while learning to surf, so they chose Australia.

    While we traveled to cities like Sydney and Melbourne, the most unforgettable experience was our trip to the Great Barrier Reef. Snorkeling through the vibrant underwater world, we spotted reef sharks, clownfish, and groupers. The true highlight, though, was free diving along a shallow section. Both kids ditched their snorkeling gear and swam among schools of fish, completely immersed in the serenity of the deep blue.

    To this day, they still talk about that moment and the sense of wonder it gave them.

    Staying in a bedouin camp in Wadi Rum, Jordan

    Inspired by “The Martian” and “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,” one year, my 15-year-old daughter picked Jordan, which turned out to be one of the best trips. The sight of the soft pink hues of Petra’s Treasury building and the surreal experience of floating in the Dead Sea were unforgettable but nothing compared to our time in a Bedouin camp in the heart of Wadi Rum.

    It felt like we had stepped into a different world, one where time slowed and the quiet of the desert took over. As the sun dipped below the horizon, the endless red dunes burst into shades of gold and crimson, leaving us in awe of its sheer beauty. And at night, the sky opened, revealing a million stars that seemed so close you could almost touch them.

    Our Bedouin host shared the ancient art of navigation through the stars, teaching us how they use the planets as their compass. My kids were mesmerized by the stories and the feeling of being so small yet deeply connected to something that ancient.

    Climbing an active volcano in Chile

    Having two athletes in the family ensures that there’s always one heart-pumping activity during our travels. While my 15-year-old son picked Chile, my 19-year-old daughter planned a hike to the summit of Villarica, South America’s most active volcano. Standing at 9,340 feet, it offers breathtaking views of the Andes, but the hike is no walk in the park. The steep, icy slopes need crampons, an ice axe and a guide is mandatory for navigating the glacier crossings and loose volcanic scree.

    Family in chile
    The family hiked a volcano in Chile.

    Courtesy of the author

    You only get about 10 minutes to take it all in, and if the volcano has been active recently, you might even need a gas mask to endure the sulfur fumes. But if conditions are right, you’re treated to a rare, jaw-dropping view of the steaming, lava-filled crater.

    As we continue to draw our next adventure from the fishbowl, I cherish the thought that I’m not just instilling a sense of adventure in my teens but also teaching them to embrace the unknown and the unexpected — whether in life or travel.

    Read the original article on Business Insider

  • I’m a single mom to 3 teens, and I have no idea what I’m doing

    Three teenagers laughing on a couch
    The author is parenting three teenagers (not pictured).

    ruizluquepaz/Getty Images

    • When my three kids were young, I had no problem teaching them life rules.
    • Now that they’re teens, I have no idea how to parent them.
    • I’m trying to stay out of their way in hopes they can learn independence.

    When my kids were younger, I felt like I knew what I was doing. I knew what I had to teach them, how to discipline them, and how to keep them safe.

    Those little kids have grown into three teenagers, and now I’m at a loss. As a single mother, I don’t know how to properly parent teenagers; it’s something I’ve clearly never done before.

    I sometimes want to tell them: I’ve got no clue about trigonometry, why Jessica isn’t talking to you today, or how to improve your “Snapstreak.”

    While I continue to make it up as I go along and hopefully not cause any permanent damage along the way, there are a few things I’ve learned from trial and error.

    I’m trying to be more like a coach and less like a manager

    When my kids were younger, I took the rules-based approach to parenting. I taught my kids how they must treat other people, how they must engage with their education, and how they must contribute to our family and community. These were easy rules to model and teach.

    But the rule-based parenting that helped me run a tight ship when they were small children and pre-teens doesn’t cut it any longer.

    I’ve realized that micromanaging their lives to ensure they follow the rules is futile. These days, I’m taking a more back-seat role.

    My oldest is in his last year of high school. He is adamant that he is studying and that his education is under control. I’ve made it clear that I am here for assistance whenever he wants, but I’m not checking to ensure he’s getting all his schoolwork done. Maybe he’s in his room gaming rather than revising his essays. But if I hover over him now, then what happens when he’s off at college next year or when he’s at work and something doesn’t go right?

    Being independent and learning how to ask for help are among the most important skills kids need to learn. Giving them space is the only way I know how to teach them that.

    I definitely don’t have all the answers, but I hope that by listening, enabling my kids to talk things through, and providing my opinion, they’ll make the choices that are right for them.

    A good coach watches the play and has a couple of tricks up their sleeve from past experience, but at the end of the day, they can’t take the field.

    Sometimes, I feel like an extra in the story of their lives

    After all the cooking, cleaning, driving around, coordinating schedules, and completing my own job, some days, I feel like nothing more than an extra in the drama that is a teenager’s life.

    Apparently, the difficulties and injustices they face are beyond my understanding, and I “just don’t get it!”

    On these days, I remind myself to step back and let the drama unfold. Sitting on the sidelines is bittersweet. I am growing increasingly aware that all too soon, they won’t need me anymore, but I also get to witness how they’re growing and maturing.

    Soon, they’ll move out and become adults

    I’m sure when my youngest is 17, I’ll be better equipped to navigate the dramas and emotions of teenagers — annoyingly, becoming an expert once the skill is unnecessary.

    Still, I remind myself now is the time for me to lay the foundations for adult relationships with my kids because no matter what age they are, they will always need me in some way.

    Perhaps more important than that, I need to think about my own life and make plans for the time and freedom from responsibility that awaits me. As a single parent, my nest will be well and truly empty, so what am I going to fill it with?

    We are far from perfect, but my teenagers and I are doing OK, and, most importantly, we’re continuing to learn from each other.

    Read the original article on Business Insider